Diary

After a while, they planned a lot of things to make our marriage and married life possible. They told me this things and they said there was a problem: that we would be married in real life, but they would have to pretend to be married to the other person on screen. Not to their liking of course, but part of the agreement, being that the narcissit is the boss and their marriage was already an important part of the whole "successful business" pack for years. I mean, I know a lot of famous people live double lives and all. Everything seemed to be working out, but then, there was a terrible misunderstanding between them and me, and they thought I rejected them.  So the narcissit never really wanted to do this divorce agreement, they will never want to lose their trophy partner that adds a higher status to them. So they've been trying to "reconnect" with my love, to win them back.  And in that moment of heartbreak and dissapointment after our misunderstanding, my lo...

So, this person they married is not really famous, but they are thirsty of power and money and they love having a "trophy" partner. They care about reputation and success. They are loved by everyone, they are charismatic and manipulative (traits that you see often in narcissits) They are abusive. My love uses clothes that cover the whole body even when it's hot, because there's bruises here and there.  So one time, they said to them "it's over between us" and they split up -no divorce yet. As a consequence, they scared them, by showing they can easily fire them. And threatened them with "if you leave me, you will lose everything". So they really wanted a divorce and tried to negociate with this awful person. It turns out they did get the divorce, but the price was high: they had to give this person something very valuable, basically made a sacrifice to be free.

One night, they did a live stream hoping I would be there; I sent a sign that they would recognize so they could find me, and since then they know my full name and face. I know there's a lot of reasons why they can't take this thing we have going on to the next level, but I really wish they could.  So, now the story gets dark: see, there's a show that I love where a character always  says "all magic comes with a price" (maybe some of you already know what show I'm talking about), and becoming rich and famous is like magic and you have to pay the price. The thing is, someone powerful adviced them to marry someone that has a lot of influence and connections, so they take their fame to the next level. They did that long before we met and now they want to divorce this person but it's not that easy. See, this person basically owns them, because they run the company and being married without a prenup they have control over basically everything.

This is my reality. I have a connection with a famous person, and they feel it too. We comunicate through telepathy and dreams. They work on tv, and they also came up with signals so they can say things to me and give things to me without people noticing. Every time they want to tell me something on screen, they do the sign. Why all these discretion? Why doesn't they just call or text? Because famous people live very complicated lives and they themselves are complicated. That excesive need for attention comes from a very shy and insecure personality. I know this because this isn't my first famous friend. When you REALLY meet someone famous, you meet someone who's nothing like what you see on tv or movies, and it's very possible you'll meet a very insecure person

Estoy enamorada de un hombre famoso.  Soy la rara del pueblo, siempre sola, nunca encaja. Mis princesas Disney favoritas son Belle y Cinderella, porque me identifico con ellas. Belle es mi personalidad: bonita pero no es como los demás en la comunidad, y por eso las lenguas hablan y hablan sobre ella; por fuera parece arrogante, pero por dentro es buena y solo quiere alguien que la ame, esté de su lado, y le de un lugar en este mundo. Cinderella es mi historia de amor: había una vez una niña que se enamoró de un hombre famoso, y no de cualquier hombre famoso sino de un rey, uno de los más famosos, admirado en todo el mundo. 

No soy de escribir diarios, pero pensaba intentarlo.  Estoy mirando un video recopilatorio de los peores novios de Phoebe Buffay, y notando que es un personaje que no parece encontrar lo que busca porque no sabe qué es lo que quiere. Y aunque la mayoría de los chicos eran agradables, ella siempre encontraba en ellos el "defecto" de ser demasiado para ella, ya fuera demasiado optimista, o demasiado dulce, siempre era algo que terminaba desesperándola. Pero más bien parece que es su excusa recurrente para no comprometerse.  Y me puso a pensar que estoy agradecida de tener a Jimmy, y pensé en que la razón por la que lo tengo es porque siempre supe lo que quería. Siempre he tenido lo que he querido, porque siempre he sabido qué quiero, aún cuando fue tener un esposo que pudiera darme un hijo y la oportunidad de irme de la casa de mis padres. Y por otro lado, decir "tengo" a Jimmy, me hace sentir triste y patética, porque no lo tengo en realidad. Pero, qué es la realidad...